Amazing

Above is a recent picture of Dustin, and on the right is a picture of Dustin taken on 5-24-08. Dustin was almost 3 months old in that picture. It just amazes me how much he has changed. Dustin is my little love bug, and I hate how fast my babies are growing up. I love them so much, and really love the times when they want their mommy. I don't look forward to the teenage years when they won't want to be around me. Right now Dustin is always with me, he follows me everywhere & always wants hugs & kisses from me (I love it).

Dustin will be celebrating his 1st Birthday on March 7th. We will be having a small birthday party our family. I am hoping it is uneventful, and fun for the boys. I just want to celebrate our youngest child's 1st year!

Today my mom and I went out shopping. We were searching for a birthday gift for Dustin. It was harder then one may think. The toy stores don't have that much of a selection when it comes to toys for 12 month old boys. We did end up finding this cute helicopter, which came with 3 balls that you put in the top and they roll out. It also makes noise, and has a string to pull it around. It's pretty cute, I hope he likes it.

Feeling Bad.. real bad.

Today Brad was out on the front porch and heard what he thought was a cat crying. He called me outside to get my opinion. I stepped outside and listened for a few moments and then heard a hoarse cry from a cat. I told him it sounded like the cat was hurt. I asked Brad to go see if he could find it. Our first thought was the cries were coming from the woods & we would not be able to find the cat. Brad came inside, went to the bathroom, got dressed and went out looking. It took Brad approximately 10 minutes to get out of the house. When Brad went across the street he walked around trying to listen for the cat. I watched out the front door, and saw him stop at the stream. Brad came back in with his head hung. I asked him twice what he found and he was hesitant to tell me. Finally he did, and he told me the cat had died in the stream. I started crying. I asked him where the cat was still lying, and he told me in the water. I insisted he go back and get the cat out of the water and make sure he/she wasn't breathing anymore. And, if the cat indeed was dead, to find a dry place to lay him.

Brad took a plastic bag to put over his hands, and went back to the stream. Brad pulled the small tabby cat from the water and carried it's lifeless body over to the bushes. He laid the poor little cat under the bush and came home. I am so upset over this, because if we had only gone to see where the cries were coming from right away we may have been able to save this cat.

I am a HUGE animal lover. I am devastated that this cat had to die a horrible death. I assume he/she was run over by a car, and ran into the neighbors yard, then fell into the ditch were this stream is. The poor kitty sounded as if he was crying for some time, just screaming for someone to help him. I so badly wish I would have ran right across the street to find where the cries were coming from instead of waiting on Brad.

RIP precious little Kitty. I am so very sorry I didn't get to you in time. I wish I could have saved you, and given you a nice warm home. I hope in death you no longer feel pain. I love you even though you weren't my cat. RIP little baby.

To all the careless pet owners, and bastards who dump their pets, I hope you all rot in hell! Animals should NOT have to suffer like this. And it is because of irresponsible pet owners that things like this happen. I would give everything just to help my pets (who are my furry kids). Even if it meant only having one more week with them. I love my animals, they are my family. All animals should be treated just as nicely as a person should be treated, if not better. Animals are so much better then people. It makes me sick that this poor little cat had to die like this. I know some mother F-er hit him with their car and didn't stop. I hate people!

Just thinking..

Lately I have really been changing my veiws or certain issues. I have tried so hard to just think about my husband and chidren, and forget about all of the other "issues". I can not stress over things that I can not change or fix. Even though I am still very angry about them to say the least. But anyway, I guess the point of this particular post is so that I can just blab & complain about whatever I feel like.

First, Brad and I have been looking around at some different homes. Currently we live with my mom because of hard financial times. Right now, we are doing OK, but I don't know for how long. I am sure the time is limited. When ever Brad and I start doing good, there is always this one ugly piece of my husbands past that screws us over. But we have still been looking. I found a home in Red Lion that was real nice, 3 bedrooms, and was really in good shape for being cheap. Then my husband found out their could be some layoffs because of the bad economy. So now I am afraid to commit to buying a house. That scares me. Not only does layoffs scare me, but so does my husbands past. I don't want to commit to something, and then - surprise! I really wish my husbands past could be erased, and those two did not exist. Life would be so great!

Second, I have finally decided to not be "pushy". I am letting my husband decide when he makes certain phone calls and visits. I am not being the "good guy" anymore. I am so sick of being the nagging wife, and saying; "you have to call, be nice, we need to go visit". I have so many problems going on right now, I have just finally had enough of it all. I truly feel bad, but it's not my job to make everyone else happy, when my life is complicated enough.

Third, the whole situation going on with my dad and brother - All I can do at this point is pray, tell the truth, and fight fire with fire. You know the saying "what comes around, goes around"? Well, it's about time that comes into play. I am sick of my family always being shit on. Enough is enough! FIGHT BACK. Everything Druggie has are lies, can't the truth over come the lies? I guess this time we just really need to trust in god for the right outcome.

Well, I guess that has been enough rambling on from me. I am just so frustrated. But.. I am really thankful for what I do have in life. I just really wish all the constant problems, and the lies would end. I wish I could understand how someone could lie and ruin another person's life all out of revenge. It really makes me sick to know, people can be that cruel and have no conscience. Another reason I like animals over people!

Dustin

On March 7th, our 3rd baby will be turning one! I can not believe it has already almost been a full year since my little Dustin was born. Dustin weighed 8 lbs 3 0zs and was 19.75 inches long. He is our biggest child at birth. Dustin is my pride and joy, and is always making me smile.

One of my favorite things about my Dustin is his sweet kisses. Dustin gives the best kisses. He puckers out his little lips and leans in to give mommy or daddy a kiss. It is the sweetest thing. Dustin is so affectionate. Dustin also loves to cuddle, and often falls asleep on my chest. He is so sweet.

Dustin is also very vocal. He amazes me how well he can talk at 11 months. His vocabulary is pretty big. He says : yeah, Hi, mom-mom, mommy, daddy, da da, ba ba, pop-pop, no no, cat, yum, and thanks. I am sure I am probably missing one! But I think what he can say is really good for his age.

Dustin can also keeps up with his brothers, even though he can't walk yet. Dustin is the fastest crawler I have ever seen! He can also climb the steps in a blink of an eye.

I am not sure what we will be doing for Dustin's 1st birthday yet. I was hoping to have a big party for him, but with what is going on with my family, I don't think it's possible. It really bother's me that everyone is affected by what is going on right now. I just want to make sure my baby boy has a great 1st B-day! I love him so very much. It still amazes me he will be one already.

Pebbles UPDATE

Pebble went to the orthapedic dr. today. Turns out I was right, and it is not the mucle in her upper leg, but her hip. I know my dog! This dog has part of my heart, and I know her, like I know myself (if that makes sence?). So, Pebbles has hip dysplasia. Hip dysplasia isn't good either, but she doesn't need surgery.

My plan for her is to put her on an extra good food (even if it is pricey), and I want to take her swimming at the dog pool every once in a while. I also plan on after her 2wk rest period that the vet recommends, I will be walking her instead of letting her in the hilly yard. Having Pebble run up and down the steep hill can't be helping her hip. Pebbles means so much to me, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she has a long life. I just can't imagine my life without her, I love my Pebbles. I even think my husband is jealous of Pebbles at times because of how much I love her lol. Brad nick named Pebbles "Precious Pebble" and he calls her that sarcastically. But, Pebbles really is precious, she is our one and only daughter!

And those who have judged me about how I love my dogs.. FUCK OFF! Dogs are better then most people out there in this world. When Buddy died and I was devastated I was judged. I was judged because of how hard I took it. My husband actually had to take off from work to help with the kids because I was inconsolable. And for the ones who said "you had to take off work for a dog" You can all kiss my ass! Seriously kiss it!

I am so sick of it!!

I am so sick of all the constant drama. All my life I have had to deal with drama, and I truly have had enough. I have SO much respect for my mom, who can put up with all the crap that she has to. Not only from my brother, but my dad, and even Brad & myself. I only wish I could be as strong as she is.

Lately my brother has been having tons of issues because of what has been taking place. All these problems are based around a horrible lie, and one nasty fucking kid, and her drug addict mother! This kid was also recently suspended from school for beating the crap out of another child (real nice kid!).

To top off all my brother has to put up with, he recently returned home from Iraq. When he came home from Iraq, he came home to a world of shit. He has to put up with "druggie" (that is what my hubby calls my brothers g/f) and this thug of a kid. Since James has come home, Druggie has attacked him several times, and has left bite marks all over his back & arms from her attacking him. Druggie is an animal. My brother went today to have a restraining order put against her, and low and behold they won't put it against a woman. WHAT A FUCKING SHOCK!! Why is it that this nasty ass drug addict can get away with everything, and when my brother tries to get away from it and save himself he can't? Why will the law not believe that a man can be abused? Why is it always the other way around? And not only that, Druggie acts as if SHE is the victim. I am SO angry, and I just don't know what to say. Also, my brother who is an extremely great dad wants to get custody of his 3 children from Druggie. Druggie is an awful mother, and couldn't even quite using drugs during her pregnancy. The youngest child who is 6 months old suffered from drug with drawl when he was born and needed to be hospitalized. PATHETIC!! Why is social services so naive and not investigating this HORRIBLE mother? I so badly wish one of the neighbors would report druggie, but sadly the whole neighborhood is full of druggies. Oh, and just so whom ever reads my frustrated words.. I reported the abuse, I tried to get custody of my nieces and nephews, the system keeps failing these poor kids. The system is failing my brother too, a hard worker, a good father, a Iraq veteran, and a victim of Druggie. My brother so badly wants custody of his babies, but druggie keeps threatening to make up more lies, and keeps him from his kids. If there is a god please come through for this family, these kids so badly need to get out of that home. I wish the police, judges, social services, SOMEONE, would finally see what type of person Druggie is. She is abusive to her children, and my brother, she has even threatened to "beat my ass" right in front of my children. This woman is sick, and one hell of a liar. IT IS SO SAD!

My baby girl Pebbles

Recently my dog Pebbles was some how injured. It was really late one night while I was waiting for Brad to get home from work, and I went to let her outside and heard her whimper. I looked at her and she was holding up her right hind leg.
I started crying right away because I had no idea what was wrong with her. And if you knew me, you’d know that Pebbles means the world to me. In my eyes she is not a dog, she is a part of my family. Everyday Pebbles is right behind me, where ever I go, she is there. Pebble is my shadow, and even my helper at times. The boys rely on her to take them potty lol. Bradley and Parker are both afraid to go by themselves, so they will call Pebbles to escort them. Pebble is just a “one of a kind” dog. She doesn’t need a leash, and she listens to any command I give her. Before I met Brad, and had my kids, Pebbles and I would spend the day at the lake while she went swimming, or at the dog pool in Dillsburg. Or I’d take her to the dog park, which was an hour drive, but she loved it. Pebbles was my 1st child. I love this dog more then I can tell you.

On May 26th, memorial day actually, my 1st dog Buddy died, he was 12 years old. I was beyond devastated, and still am. Buddy died a horrible death in my arms. I didn’t have him put to sleep, and did not expect he was going to die. I really didn’t believe it. Then I went outside with him since we had just put him out to go potty. I found Buddy laying on our porch struggling to breath. I knew we wouldn’t make it to the vet (which was a 20 min drive), so I held him in my arms while he died. I can not get over losing Buddy, the wounds have heeled but the scars are forever. Now I feel like I am going to have to face this again with Pebbles. I am a mess over this.

Pebble was at the vet this past week for her leg (when she first hurt herself). The vet first thought she had a torn ligament and would need surgery. Then they said that they thought it was just a pulled muscle. The vet did do x-rays on Pebbles leg to rule out anything being broke, and they must be able to see the ligaments? I say this because they said they had good news and didn’t see anything broken or torn.

But anyway, it looks like I will be taking her back to the vet again. This past year we have probably spent 2,000 in vet bills. I have my credit cards maxed out from vet bills. And when I rescued Shelly Grace from Animal Rescue Inc. helped me with her vet bills. Thank god for Grace, I think Shelly would have died with out her help. Just anyone who reads this pray for my Pebbles. Pebbles means the world to me as I have said time and time again. I hope she doesn’t need surgery, and she has a long life still ahead of her. I am really starting to see her age coming out, it scares me.

Happy Valentines Day!

This past week has been a busy one. On February 11th Brad and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary! It’s amazing that it has been 3 years already. We have been through some really rough times, and some good times, but we are still strong as ever. Brad truly is my soul mate, and I love him with all my heart.

For our 3rd wedding anniversary we went out to dinner, and to a Hockey game. I never thought I would get so into hockey, but Brad has me addicted! Of course our team lost though, and we were both kind of fumed! So for valentines day we decided to go again. For the Valentines day game we had to order tickets over the phone. The game was packed! I personally had never been when it was so crowded. But anyway, Brad got us tickets for the lower level, and it was GREAT! Even though the Bears lost yet again (Their 3rd time losing this week) it was fun. Brad told me I had to actually cheer for them instead of being my quiet self. And I honestly never thought I’d find myself standing up out of my seat screaming lol. I am a VERY quiet person, I’m shy, and not outgoing at all. So for me to actually be up out of my seat yelling, that is surprising! I just have really gotten into hockey & love it!

Brad made both our special days great, even though their were some down moments about them. But, even though not everything was perfect it was fun. I love Brad so much, and am so glad we found each other. Although, Brad was the one who found me! And it has been almost 5 whole years of us being together.

Besides our anniversary and Valentines day, we had Dustin’s 1st Birthday picture taken. It turned out really cute! Dustin is very hard to get a picture of now, and it was tough having it done. But in the end, it turned out pretty good. Dustin had an adorable 1st birthday shirt, and new shoes my mom had gotten for him. Of course in the picture you can’t see his shoes. But still, his outfit was cute.
It’s really hard to believe that our youngest is almost One. This year has really flown by, and Dustin has grown so fast. Dustin has become a brilliant little man. He can talk so well, saying mommy and daddy, mom-mom, thanks, cat, all kinds of different words. He amazes me!

It also feels so weird that I have NOT been pregnant for so long. This is the longest I have gone in the past say - 4 years without being pregnant. I have had 3 back to back pregnancies, and finally I find myself not being pregnant. And I do not want to be pregnant! Eventually some time in the near future we will be trying for our 1st baby girl, but until then I am enjoying not being pregnant. I have also been working on getting back to my thin pre-pregnancy body. I so badly miss being thin!

Well, I suppose I have wrote enough for now. But before I go: Happy Valentines Day & Happy anniversary to Brad! I love you baby, and I always will!

Just an update..

I haven’t been writing much on here lately. Life has been so hectic, and tragic? Well, the crap with my family right now, has taken a turn for the worst. The lawyer representing my “family member” is saying he will be getting up to ten years in jail. I am speechless about this, I really don’t know what to say. This affects my life, and my children’s lives. This will change everything, if that actually happens. And honestly, I am afraid. I am afraid it will actually be true, and this person, who did nothing wrong, will go to jail, all because of a lie. I honestly can not understand how some people can lie, and affect some one else’s life to this extent. I mean really! Do some people really have no conscience? If I were to do something like this, I would beat myself up, for the rest of my life.
Instead, my brother’s drug addicted girl friend is having fun with all of this. She has sent my brother to the hospital, and thinks this is all a joke! My whole family is sick over the matter, and this bitch.. This drug addict bitch is actually laughing, and making fun out of this situation. I guess when you can take some pills, it all makes this horrible situation funny? I guess for this bitch it works.
I am just trying hard to keep my attitude positive, and keep all of the bad out of my thoughts. I just hope and pray, that somehow this all turns out ok.

Other then all the bad stuff going on… the boys are all doing good finally! Bradley, Parker, and Dustin were all very sick for a looonnng time. It was awful. I felt like it was an ongoing battle. Bradley and Dustin, first got sick with a horrible stomach virus, and had fever’s, vomiting, and diarrhea. Parker, at that time, only had a belly ache and diarrhea. Then the following week, Parker started puking, had an extremely high fever, then bloody diarrhea. I ended up in the ER with Parker for the bloody diarrhea, which was extremely worrisome.
Bradley then came down with a cough, a horrible cough! My mom came home from work early and took Bradley to the doctor, and they first thought he had the pneumonia, but then ruled that out and said he had bronchitis. The following day after Bradley went to the doctor, Parker was coughing the same way, maybe even a little worse. My mom once again took Parker to the doctor & Parker was given meds for the nebulizer (unsure of spelling), and a steroid because of the large amount of fluid in his lungs. Finally, Dustin started hacking away. Dustin’s cough was so painful for me to hear and deal with. I tried sleeping sitting up and holding him at night, just to try to make it easier for him to breath. Dustin acted like he was in the worst shape, and cried, and cried. I knew he had an ear ache, so Dusty went to the doctors as well. Turned out Dustin ear infections, one in each ear! My poor baby was in so much pain from this, and his cough was awful.
I am just so thankful they are all overcoming being sick. I hate when my kids are feeling sick like that. It is especially hard when your baby is sick. Babies don’t know how to tell you what hurts, and I felt so helpless when Dustin was crying, he was so miserable.

Bradley lately has become a real fan of video games. Everyday he seems to vanish up into his room, and turns on his V-smile video game. He will play for about a half hour, then come back down stairs. He has learned a lot from it, and I am glad they have educational games for little ones. Bradley has also started the copy cat game! It is SO hilarious to watch him repeat every move, and repeat every word his daddy says. The other night at the dinner table Bradley kept his eyes on his dad, and listened to every word he said so that he could repeat everything. I couldn’t help but laugh. Bradley has really come a long way. He was in early intervention for a while, because he never talked. Now he won’t stop! Bradley loves to have conversations with us, and he is pretty darn smart too. It’s also great listening to Bradley and Parker have conversations with each other. It can be funny to listen to, and sweet. Bradley and Parker really are great buds and love each other. At the same time they really beat each other up, and pick on one another. But that is what siblings do.

Parker lately has been acting like his baby brother Dustin. He has been following me around in need of extra attention. Before Dustin came along, Parker was my spoiled little baby.. And a real mommies boy. Now, I really think he is feeling left out. Parker has been pretending to be a baby, and crawls around like Dustin, and even pretends to climb up on my leg as if he can’t walk! It usually makes me laugh. But even though Parker is a little jealous of Dustin, he sure does love him. Parker is always playing with Dustin. When I put Dustin in the playpen, Parker will tell me “I want to play with Dustin, take baby out”. It really is so sweet. Parker is also such a big helper. He will help me with almost anything I ask him to do. Parker is so well behaved.. Most of the time. I really think Parker has a terrible attitude at times too. The doctor told us it’s just normal two year old behavior. I was worried because Parker will go through screaming fits. Some times we don’t even know why he screams. I will ask him what is wrong, and he will totally ignore me and just scream on the top of his lungs. It can be real frustrating, and it worries me too. I never know if he is hurt, or something is wrong, or if he’s just throwing another fit. But other then Parker’s screaming fits, he is so sweet. Parker would love to just spend the entire day with me playing with his little people, fire engines, and cuddling while we watch sponge bob or Diego.

Dustin, has really been coming along. It is only a matter of time before he takes off walking. He gets where ever he wants to go, including up the stairs. We have a baby gate that somehow got broken, so we lay it across the steps and railing. Well, Dustin just picks up the gate and moves it aside to go upstairs. I spend half my day chasing him up the stairs. Dustin loves it too. When I chase behind him up the stairs he will laugh and even turn to look to see if I am coming after him! Dustin is also really becoming a talker. He says bye bye, yeah, dada, daddy, ba ba, mom mom, mamama, mommy, bad, no no, yum, and thanks.. More like “tanx“. I am sure there are probably some I missed to. I will say things and he sometimes repeats it. Another newer thing Dustin has been doing lately is giving kisses. I will be holding him, and when Dustin is in a cuddly mood he will lean in and give you a kiss on your lips or chin. It is the sweetest thing! Dustin usually only gives mommy the kisses, and I’m not complaining :o) Dustin is definitely my boy. He is always right behind me, and clinging to my leg. I think that is why Parker has been clinging to me as well. He wants me to carry him around. I really want to make sure all my boys feel equal, and I really hope Parker doesn’t feel left out. I love them all so very much.

Another subject I’ll cover since I haven’t been wring much is baby number 4. Brad and I do plan on TTC in the next year, or so. This will be our final shot at our daughter. Brad really wants to have a little girl, and so do I. I just hope with our next pregnancy we are blessed with a healthy baby girl. And if not, a healthy baby boy is just as great. I just really would love to have a daughter, and Brad wants a daughter as well. At one point, being a mom to a little girl was extremely important to me, but that feeling has died down quite a bit. Now, I really think it’s more important to Brad to have a little girl, then it is for me. When Brad and I were shopping for clothes for Dustin, Brad pointed out all the girl clothes. He pointed out a Christmas dress, and said “I would want that for our daughter”. It was so sweet. I just hope one day we get our wish, and have the little girl we both so badly want. But, I know we will be blessed even if we have a fourth boy. I don’t want people judging us, just because we would like to have a daughter the 4th time around. The babies sex does not really matter, but I am just saying “it would be really nice to have a daughter”.

Well I think I caught this blog up enough for now. Life is always changing and moving fast, so it is hard to keep up. Finding time to write is extremely hard. Especially when you have 3 little boys ages three and under!