I miss you so much Buddy.
After Buddy had past away, I felt the urge to save another dog. I truly was not ready for another dog, but I saw one in need and jumped at the chance to save a life. I ended up with this very sick puppy from NC. All of this pups brothers and sisters were euthanized using a heart stick (a horrible death). I was only able to save one puppy, our Shelly monster! Shelly was 4 pounds at the vet, a very thin sick puppy who couldn’t stop vomiting, and having bloody diarrhea. She was so dehydrated we had to have fluids administered to her under the skin every day. Our old vet, who let Buddy die, told us she wasn’t going to live. I went home and cried when I was told that, but then decided I wasn’t giving up on her that quick. So, I called the ER vet and our expensive journey began. Shelly was eventually hospitalized from being so ill, and her care was paid for by an old friend of mine who runs a wonderful no kill shelter. I am forever thankful to this person, she is also the one who gave me my Buddy. I truly think Buddy was watching over Shelly & I while this all unfolded. I had actually held Shelly when I thought she was at the end, and I asked her to say hi to Buddy for me, and tell him “I’m sorry.”
When Shelly came home from being hospitalized, she was a different dog. Energetic, and so full of life. The small, skinny, flea bag of a pup, turned into a large healthy 60 pound dog. She is so sweet and loving, and even though she is a pain I love her. She is our miracle puppy. I tell her that daily that she is my miracle pup, and she truly is.
Buddy’s death made me really open my eyes, and I put my dogs back on a level where they once were and should have always been - Right up with my kids. I have always loved my dogs, Buddy meant so much to me, more then anyone truly knows. It really kills me, that I treated him like crap. Buddy taught me a lesson: “Never treat those you love badly.” And I have to live with this. I have to live with the guilt of never seeing Buddy again, and wishing I could go back and tell him I’m sorry for yelling because he barked at 5am, or being mean because he was constantly begging. Buddy died from a heart attack, and my heart is forever broken. I was the one to find him laying on our porch after being let outside to go potty. He was laying there with his soft brown eyes open wide. He was gasping for air, and I yelled for help, and picked Buddy’s head up off the ground and held him. Watching Buddy die is imprinted in my brain, a memory that will never go away. I can still close my eyes and see it unfold, even though I wish I couldn’t. Buddy died while I held him. I was the first one to meet Buddy when I was 11 years old, and I was the last one to see him, he died at the age of 12. I took his lifeless body to the vet to have him cremated, and sat on a dog bed next to him at the vet. I cried, and didn’t want to leave him there. I must have sat there with him for 20 or 30 minutes just crying, and telling him I’m sorry, and that I love him. And it’s weird, weeks later when I went back to the vet to get his ashes.. I almost expected them to bring him out from the back, his big fluffy tail wagging, and him jumping all over the place because he was so happy to see me, just like he always had done. Instead.. The lady at the counter reached under the desk and pulled out a small brown box. She handed me his ashes, and I lost it. I am so heartbroken, and am forever scarred. I am lost without you Buddy. I love and miss you so much. RIP Buddy boy. You will NEVER be forgotten.
“If tears could build a stairway, and heartache make a lane, I’d walk the path to heaven, and bring you back again.”
Pic of Buddy & me when I was 12. My hairs messy cause we were swinging.
